touch my ennui*

*tales of commuting through life and new york city

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A site called “Job Thunder” just sent me an email alerting me that the Post Office might be interested in hiring me. Might be. Nothing definite. In case I was getting my hopes up. 

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Post-Op Day Who-The-Hell-Even-Knows-Any-More

There is a guy practicing his trumpet in the park outside my window. And by practicing I mean making a ton of sounds that can only be described as the very worst of the human condition after a bad meal, interspersed with a medley of La Cucaracha and Take 5.  

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Day 12 Post-Surgery

That time in the recovery process when -despite the fact that you haven’t moved in 2 weeks - your appetite goes to 11 and Wouldn’t-It-Be-Great-If-Cadbury-Creme-Eggs-Were-a-Food-Group is posited without irony.

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Gabriel Garcia Marquez died. But I still haven’t gotten over the shock that the Mrs. Doubtfire sequel isn’t a joke. 

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From the Post-Surgery Boredom Annals

A lot happens when you can’t move off the couch such as making “a study” of entirely useless things. Today’s topic: How to Write Headlines on Social Media that Will Force Anyone to Click/Forward/Share:

1. Find a photo of a child. Any child. Preferably one holding a sign. Make it seem like God Photoshopped the sign. And God is an ornery kidnapper who is looking for one billion clicks. Or else. CLICK NOW. ONE BILLION. IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT.

2. The poorly constructed phrase “bizarre weird trick” is catnip to humans. Especially when combined with other words like “belly fat,” “eternal life,” “get laid,” “right now.”

3. Imply - better yet just come right out and say - that clicking on a link will result in magic: ”There’s a pair of pants out there. And when you put them on you will become Audrey Hepburn. Literally. (Click here)”

4. Create a ridiculous quiz and make it sound like you and some unsuspecting celebrity happened to have taken the same quiz and are now BFFs and will be talking about your quiz results over a latte: “Which Spirit Animal Are You? You’ll Never Believe Which One Taylor Swift Is. (After the jump)”

5. Talk about a completely average food or exercise like it is the next big thing: “Orange juice and a Bicep Curl: Why You’ll Never Age Again.

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And now that part of the day when one almost accidentally drops the laptop out the window. If you heard a scream, that was me.